Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz
“If Noynoy has Kris, I have Pacman,” says Manny Villar, a.k.a. “Money Villarroyo.” Thus began the battle royale between two Titans in the entertainment industry. Yup, it’s going to be Pacman vs. Kris, folks. Pacman has 48-3-2 stats (confirmed) while Kris has 36-24-36 stats (unconfirmed). Kris is brainy and beautiful, Pacman is brawny and loves beautiful women. Kris is good at acting, Pacman is acting like he can act good. Kris sings and dances on stage, Pacman sings in a karaoke bar and dances in the ring. Well, folks, may the best woman win!
After his easy victory over Joshua Clottey, Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao hinted that he might be retiring soon. Makes me wonder why? Is Pacman scared of Floyd Mayweather? Well, like the old saying goes, “Quit while you’re a head.” I’m not sure about that cuz I thought Pacman already lost his head over a young and sexy actress. I’d like to see a match between Pacman (1-0) and Tiger Woods (14-0) at what they do best. That would really be something to watch.
Pacquiao has been promoted to Senior Master Sergeant in the Armed Forces of the Philippines. A reservist, Pacquiao goes to military training once in a while. When he first showed up at the boot camp, Pacquiao gave a salute to the commander. The commander noticed the way Pacquiao saluted so he told him, “You salute with all your fingers straight. You’re saluting with only two fingers. That’s for boy scouts.” Pacquiao was flabbergasted, he said, “Sir, I tut I joined the boy scouts, hindi pala.”
***
With the presidential campaign heating up, the candidates are bringing in top entertainers in their campaign sorties. Money Villarroyo has Comedy King Dolphy campaigning for him. Bur rumor has it that Dolphy told Villarroyo that he can only spend one hour a day on the campaign trail. Villarroyo didn’t give up, he offered Dolphy more money to spend more time campaigning for him. Yup, what Manny wants, money gets.
What do Manny Villar and Gloria Macapagal Arroyo have in common? Gloria is the daughter of the poor boy from Lubao while Manny is the son of a poor man from Tondo. Today, both Gloria and Manny are filthy rich. It really pays to be elected in office.
What do Manny Villar and Bro. Mike Velarde have in common? Manny made P6 billion from the C-5 road extension project while Bro. Mike made P1.2 billion. Some people call them, business partners, others call them partners in crime. Either way, they made lots and lots of money. Now, Villar is running for president and Bro. Mike for Congress. On to better things; the opportunities never end in the land of milk and honey. Yup, lots of cows to milk and plenty “honeys” of the night.
***
Conversation between Gloria and her granddaughter:
Apo: Lola, I’m very sad.
Lola: Why, my apo?
Apo: Cuz, lolo told me that you’re not going to be president anymore.
Lola: Don’t worry, apo, cuz I’ll be Prime Minister soon.
Apo: What is Prime Monster, lola? Sounds scary! Nakakatakot!
Lola: No, apo, it’s not ‘monster,’ it’s ‘minister.’
Apo: You mean like a church minister?
Lola: Yup, but the church will be very big, it’s the entire country.
Apo: But a church minister doesn’t make lots of money like you did as a president.
Lola: Well, in my church, the minister makes tons of money.
Apo: How?
Lola: Think of the money the people donate to the church.
Apo: I’m confused, lola. I thought the people give money to the church, not to the minister.
Lola: Yes, apo. But you see, I am the church.
***
With all the land-grabbing charges made against Money Villarroyo, columnist Lito Banayo wrote: “
A retired colonel who was once one of FVR’s most trusted managers, and whose integrity has been unquestioned, sent me this funny text message: ‘We need a land grabber to get Sabah. Vote Villarroyo and get Sabah back.’ ”
News Item: “Villar vows justice for Luisita victims.” That is a big piece of land that is ripe for pickin’ and grabbin’ by Money Villarroyo.
***
Mikey Arroyo gave way to his mom Gloria so she can run for his congressional seat in Pampanga’s second district. Mikey said that he did it because Gloria is one million times smarter than he is. Nobody disputed him on that. But when it was announced that he’s the nominee of the party-list Ang Galing Pinoy, a lot of people protested. It turned out that Ang Galing Pinoy
is a party-list that seeks to represent the marginalized sector of security guards and tricycle drivers in the House of Representatives.
Critics are saying that Mikey and other alleged “bogus” party-list nominees are “bastardizing” the party-list system. With the numerous “bogus” party-list groups that sprang recently, the House of Representatives would end up as the “House of Inglorious Bastards.” Hey, one of them is called GLOW (Gloria Arroyo). I guess Gloria considers herself marginalized now, huh?
I agree that Mikey can’t represent the security guards -- he’s never been a “sikyu,” as security guards are called, all his life. But my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec got a scoop that Mikey is going to prove that he was at one time a tricycle driver. Mikey has an old picture showing him driving a tricycle, a gift from his mom when he was four years old. I’m sure that, with little greasing, he can convince the Comelec commissioners that he is qualified to represent Ang Galing Pinoy.
If Ang Galing Pinoy wins in the May 10 elections, Mikey will join his mom Gloria, who is expected to win Mikey’s old seat, and three other Arroyos: his brother Dato Arroyo, his uncle Iggy Arroyo, and Iggy’s sister Lourdes of Ang Kasangga party-list. Evidently, the Arroyo dynasty will be around for sometime. Wah wah wee! Kawawa naman ang Pilipinas.
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)
Showing posts with label March 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label March 2010. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
No Guts, No Gloria
Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz
Presidential wannabe Noynoy Aquino may not have billions to spend in his campaign, but he sure has a lot of guts! At a rally of thousands of his “Yellow Army” supporters, he warned corrupt officials that their days were numbered. That’s gutsy! Not too long ago, Noynoy promised that he’ll recover the Marcos “loot.” That’s gutsy! And recently, he promised that he’d prosecute President Gloria Arroyo for plunder if he’s elected President. Now, that’s really gutsy! No guts, no Gloria!
During the 24th anniversary of the EDSA People Power revolution at the People Power Monument, Gloria said that her vision to “heal the wounds of the past EDSA uprisings has been partially met.” According to her, “healing the wounds of Edsa is a part of her 10-point pro-poor agenda.” “Healing the wounds of Edsa”? Hmmm…
Well, here’s what I wrote in my article, “Power of the Pork,” a few weeks ago:
“Biggest pork barrel in history:
In 2005, Gloria used more than P80 billion for pork barrel — that’s 10 times the normal amount! — for projects in which most were shrouded in mystery. More than half of this — P46.8 billion — were allocated for ‘Healing of Edsa I, II and III Funds.’ When asked in a radio interview, then Budget Secretary Romulo Neri explained that the P46.8-billion ‘healing of Edsa wounds’ fund included P29 billion for ‘back pension payments for retired Armed Forces of the Philippines and Philippine National Police personnel.’ That’s a hell of a lot of money! Shouldn’t they be included in the Department of National Defense and Philippine National Police budgets? Or was it used surreptitiously to keep the military ‘loyal’ to Gloria during the ‘Hello Garci’ election cheating scandal and Edsa III uprising?” Yup, as Gloria’s granddaughter once said, “What Lola want, Lola gets.”
Gloria also said, “The world embraced EDSA I in 1986. The world tolerated EDSA II in 2001. The world will not forgive an EDSA III but would instead condemn the Philippines as a country whose political system is hopelessly unstable.” Huh? And I thought Gloria’s EDSA II was what made the country’s political system “hopelessly unstable.” Kurakot na, mahirap pa. Wah wah we! Kawawa naman kami!
Gloria also claimed that the “Glorious Revolution” had deteriorated into partisanship over the years.” She’s right. EDSA I was the “Glorious Revolution” and EDSA II was “Gloria’s Revolution,” and it’s been downhill since then. And if there’s going to be EDSA III, what should it be called? Let’s see…
Noynoy’s “Yellow Army” celebrated the “People Power” in the jam-packed Araneta Coliseum with 30,000 Coristas, Ninoyistas, Noynoyistas, and Liberalistas. The sea of yellow was a breath-taking sight.
Meanwhile, Manny “Money Villarroyo” Villar had a campaign swing featuring go-go girls clad in bikinis gyrating on stage to an audience of salivating Villaristas, Marcos loyalistas, Nacionalistas, and communistas. In the old days, that’s called “burlesque.” Oh, well, that’s the sign of the times. What Manny wants, money gets.
The other day, Noynoy accused Villarroyo of stealing his line. According to Noynoy, Villarroyo stole his slogan, “Hindi ako magnanakaw” (I will not steal). In one of his campaign sorties, Villarroyo said, “Sa harap ninyo, sa mata ng Diyos, hindi ako nagnakaw … Hindi ako magnanakaw” (In your presence and in the eyes of God, I did not steal ... I will not steal). Well, after nine years under Gloria Arroyo’s corrupt regime, it makes one wonder if there’s anything left to steal.
But what’s going on with the other eight presidential wannabes? Gloria’s hand-picked candidate Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro is finally feeling the effect of Gloria’s “kiss of death.” He’s now distancing himself from Gloria by not talking about Gloria’s legacy. It won’t be long before he’d realize that it’s time to abort and join the “Yellow Army” of his cousin, Noynoy.
***
I read that two VIPs whose endorsements could be “kiss of death” to the candidate are former President Fidel V. Ramos and boxing icon Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao. Ramos said that he’ll make his endorsement by the end of March or early April. I can hear most of the candidates saying, “Please not me!” But not Richard “Flashy Dick” Gordon. With a 1% rating in the poll surveys and a shoe-string campaign budget, what has he got to lose?
In the case of Pacman, he said that he’ll start campaigning for Villarroyo, his “beloved president,” after his fight with Joshua Clottey. For someone who claims that he had a talk with God, Pacman is becoming a joker. And the joker is wild, man! He should stay sway from Villarroyo’s go-go girls during the campaign. Some people say that Pacman has an eye for beautiful girls.
***
Former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada claimed that an opponent urged him to withdraw from the presidential derby and offered to reimburse all his campaign expenses if he quit. Well, with his funds drying up, Erap should take the offer and call it quits. Heck, he can always claim that he already spent P2 billion. I’m pretty sure that Money Villarroyo wouldn’t blink an eye to shell out that kind of money. With that kind of money, Erap can retire in his “Boracay” mansion.
A few days ago, Villarroyo was criticized for giving P20 bills to several street children who approached him during a campaign swing in Batangas. That’s nothing. They’re just children, not voters. I think he was just practicing the art of “vote-buying.”
In another instance, Villarroyo got himself in trouble with the Commission on Elections (Comelec). Comelec said that a disqualification case may be filed against him “for violating the Omnibus Election Code (OEC) after giving away scholarship grants to his supporters.” Whoa! That’s vote-buying, clear and simple! Section 261 of the OEC states that “vote-buying is when a person ‘gives, offers or promises money or anything of value’ in order to induce anyone to vote for or against any candidate.” Now, that is serious.
But in another instance, Villarroyo got himself in big trouble. This time, it’s with the military. According the military spokesman, Villarroyo’s group “violated an agreement that they would not conduct any form of campaigning inside the highly-restricted military compound.” Villarroyo and his group met with detained Marine Col. Ariel Querubin -- who is running for Senator under Villarroyo’s party -- in Camp Aguinaldo. They then locked arms and made a “unity walk” inside the camp. The military spokesman said that “the unity walk” violated standing regulations of the military banning any political activity in all its camps. Now, that is very serious. Villarroyo should know better than not to mess around with the military. Villarroyo may have lots of money but the military have lots of guns... sometimes they shoot first before they ask questions.
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)
Presidential wannabe Noynoy Aquino may not have billions to spend in his campaign, but he sure has a lot of guts! At a rally of thousands of his “Yellow Army” supporters, he warned corrupt officials that their days were numbered. That’s gutsy! Not too long ago, Noynoy promised that he’ll recover the Marcos “loot.” That’s gutsy! And recently, he promised that he’d prosecute President Gloria Arroyo for plunder if he’s elected President. Now, that’s really gutsy! No guts, no Gloria!
During the 24th anniversary of the EDSA People Power revolution at the People Power Monument, Gloria said that her vision to “heal the wounds of the past EDSA uprisings has been partially met.” According to her, “healing the wounds of Edsa is a part of her 10-point pro-poor agenda.” “Healing the wounds of Edsa”? Hmmm…
Well, here’s what I wrote in my article, “Power of the Pork,” a few weeks ago:
“Biggest pork barrel in history:
In 2005, Gloria used more than P80 billion for pork barrel — that’s 10 times the normal amount! — for projects in which most were shrouded in mystery. More than half of this — P46.8 billion — were allocated for ‘Healing of Edsa I, II and III Funds.’ When asked in a radio interview, then Budget Secretary Romulo Neri explained that the P46.8-billion ‘healing of Edsa wounds’ fund included P29 billion for ‘back pension payments for retired Armed Forces of the Philippines and Philippine National Police personnel.’ That’s a hell of a lot of money! Shouldn’t they be included in the Department of National Defense and Philippine National Police budgets? Or was it used surreptitiously to keep the military ‘loyal’ to Gloria during the ‘Hello Garci’ election cheating scandal and Edsa III uprising?” Yup, as Gloria’s granddaughter once said, “What Lola want, Lola gets.”
Gloria also said, “The world embraced EDSA I in 1986. The world tolerated EDSA II in 2001. The world will not forgive an EDSA III but would instead condemn the Philippines as a country whose political system is hopelessly unstable.” Huh? And I thought Gloria’s EDSA II was what made the country’s political system “hopelessly unstable.” Kurakot na, mahirap pa. Wah wah we! Kawawa naman kami!
Gloria also claimed that the “Glorious Revolution” had deteriorated into partisanship over the years.” She’s right. EDSA I was the “Glorious Revolution” and EDSA II was “Gloria’s Revolution,” and it’s been downhill since then. And if there’s going to be EDSA III, what should it be called? Let’s see…
Noynoy’s “Yellow Army” celebrated the “People Power” in the jam-packed Araneta Coliseum with 30,000 Coristas, Ninoyistas, Noynoyistas, and Liberalistas. The sea of yellow was a breath-taking sight.
Meanwhile, Manny “Money Villarroyo” Villar had a campaign swing featuring go-go girls clad in bikinis gyrating on stage to an audience of salivating Villaristas, Marcos loyalistas, Nacionalistas, and communistas. In the old days, that’s called “burlesque.” Oh, well, that’s the sign of the times. What Manny wants, money gets.
The other day, Noynoy accused Villarroyo of stealing his line. According to Noynoy, Villarroyo stole his slogan, “Hindi ako magnanakaw” (I will not steal). In one of his campaign sorties, Villarroyo said, “Sa harap ninyo, sa mata ng Diyos, hindi ako nagnakaw … Hindi ako magnanakaw” (In your presence and in the eyes of God, I did not steal ... I will not steal). Well, after nine years under Gloria Arroyo’s corrupt regime, it makes one wonder if there’s anything left to steal.
But what’s going on with the other eight presidential wannabes? Gloria’s hand-picked candidate Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro is finally feeling the effect of Gloria’s “kiss of death.” He’s now distancing himself from Gloria by not talking about Gloria’s legacy. It won’t be long before he’d realize that it’s time to abort and join the “Yellow Army” of his cousin, Noynoy.
***
I read that two VIPs whose endorsements could be “kiss of death” to the candidate are former President Fidel V. Ramos and boxing icon Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao. Ramos said that he’ll make his endorsement by the end of March or early April. I can hear most of the candidates saying, “Please not me!” But not Richard “Flashy Dick” Gordon. With a 1% rating in the poll surveys and a shoe-string campaign budget, what has he got to lose?
In the case of Pacman, he said that he’ll start campaigning for Villarroyo, his “beloved president,” after his fight with Joshua Clottey. For someone who claims that he had a talk with God, Pacman is becoming a joker. And the joker is wild, man! He should stay sway from Villarroyo’s go-go girls during the campaign. Some people say that Pacman has an eye for beautiful girls.
***
Former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada claimed that an opponent urged him to withdraw from the presidential derby and offered to reimburse all his campaign expenses if he quit. Well, with his funds drying up, Erap should take the offer and call it quits. Heck, he can always claim that he already spent P2 billion. I’m pretty sure that Money Villarroyo wouldn’t blink an eye to shell out that kind of money. With that kind of money, Erap can retire in his “Boracay” mansion.
A few days ago, Villarroyo was criticized for giving P20 bills to several street children who approached him during a campaign swing in Batangas. That’s nothing. They’re just children, not voters. I think he was just practicing the art of “vote-buying.”
In another instance, Villarroyo got himself in trouble with the Commission on Elections (Comelec). Comelec said that a disqualification case may be filed against him “for violating the Omnibus Election Code (OEC) after giving away scholarship grants to his supporters.” Whoa! That’s vote-buying, clear and simple! Section 261 of the OEC states that “vote-buying is when a person ‘gives, offers or promises money or anything of value’ in order to induce anyone to vote for or against any candidate.” Now, that is serious.
But in another instance, Villarroyo got himself in big trouble. This time, it’s with the military. According the military spokesman, Villarroyo’s group “violated an agreement that they would not conduct any form of campaigning inside the highly-restricted military compound.” Villarroyo and his group met with detained Marine Col. Ariel Querubin -- who is running for Senator under Villarroyo’s party -- in Camp Aguinaldo. They then locked arms and made a “unity walk” inside the camp. The military spokesman said that “the unity walk” violated standing regulations of the military banning any political activity in all its camps. Now, that is very serious. Villarroyo should know better than not to mess around with the military. Villarroyo may have lots of money but the military have lots of guns... sometimes they shoot first before they ask questions.
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)
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